As a straight man, I have had fairly limited contact with other men on dating sites except for the purpose of research for this website, so am going mostly on the feedback I recieved from women. 

Lets clear up that not all men join dating sites just for sex, although a lot do. Most single, separated and divorced men start out genuinely seeking someone to date, a girlfriend or partner, and some actually achieve it. A lot of men do however become disillusioned and cynical after a while, and rather than continuing to look for 'miss right', adopt a 'miss right now' attitude. This is because most men join with the expectation of a lot of messages from women offering to date them, but it rarely happens. These men are not to be confused with the intentional players, of which there is a fair share of them, but are (according to them) made that way by women who let the rest of the sisterhood down.

There are also quite a few married men who state they are single, along with the ones that openly state they are married and want to add some spice to their lives.

From the feedback I recieved, all women indicated that they had become pretty good at screening out the weirdos and undesirables.

I'm struggling to add any more about men, so if any women want to share their experiences to add here to email me.

 

A woman's perspective. This was submitted by 'naatir': Following is a list of the types of guys on dating sites from my point of view - can't pretend to speak for all women but know some of my friends concur with at least some of my thoughts.

The first type of man probably wants a partner more than any of the others - however he doesn't offer anything of himself, he's just sick of being on his own.

The next type of man seems to be those who have an inflexible image of the type of woman they want to meet - she must be within a very narrow height range, be at LEAST 10 years younger than themselves (usually more) and preferably look like Nicole Kidman or Rachel Hunter. She better also match their ideas on drinking and smoking and be interested in THEIR interests.

Then we have the brigade who just want everyone to know how successful they are, only snag is they need to find an equally successful woman to prove to the rest of the peasants just how marvellous they really are.

Somewhere along the list there is a group who are lonely,misunderstood by their partners but still in the relationship - won't risk living with themselves so need to find someone else before ending that. They may be honest enough to admit they have no intention of changing their arrangement, but where's the real honesty in that? Does the lady-at-home with the washing of dirty socks & cooking of meals know about this "open relationship"?

On the subject of honesty - a certain percentage are quick to claim that honesty is of vital importance to them. Somewhere in the same conversation they will claim to have been on a dating site for just a very short time, have not met anybody previously as the e-mails made it clear they weren't compatible. Unfortunately they often are known to be lying, they met a friend at the same location, thru the same dating site, some time previously, possibly even several times.
In the same vein there are the men who are sticklers for courtesy and claim that if there is no interest in the person met one should politely say so - then fail to do so.....just disappear! No e-mail, no phone call, or even worse - call your number, presumably by mistake, claim it's a bad phone connection & they'll call back later and don't.

The men who advertise to meet other men but list in the men-seeking-women and the ones who are quite blunt about being interested in sexual liasons only are fine, a tad irritating at times but at least you know that either there is potential or it's a wasted effort to make contact.

There is a very small group who are really nice, genuine guys. They really do know who they are, like themselves as people enough to be able to build a relationship and patient enough to see if the tiny flicker of a spark can be developed into a great conflagration. They are unfortunately in the minority.

 

 

There are basically 5 types of women on dating sites.
The first kind are the women that I believe really do want to meet a man that will eventually evolve into having a long term loving relationship with, HOWEVER, they only seem interested if he looks like Brad Pitt and/or has an income to match. These women have strict criteria and flatly refuse to meet anyone who isn't like the above mentioned person. 

The second type of women on here are not as shallow (you may call it having choices) as the first category and are quite happy to meet/date Mr Average because they realise they are not super models themselves and are more realistic BUT, unless it's love at first sight, they are seeing 2, 3 and even 4 men at the same time. Even if there's a bit of a spark there they still do this and don't give that small spark the opportunity to become a fire. Now, having said that, most men don't expect to be exclusive in the very early stages, but do expect them to either give it a chance if there's SOME chemistry, or move on to one of the others and stop using the men for free dinners etc when they know all too well it will come to nothing.

If you're genuine and are still reading, we'll move on to the third type of woman. These are the ones that are either desperate to get into a "relationship" with almost anyone that will have them, and want to move in after a couple of dates, or are craving "love" and intimacy and want to hop into bed within an hour of meeting (actually there are a lot more of these women than you might realise)...

Ah yes, the fourth type of woman is the worst of all. She's in some sort of relationship with a man but may not be too happy in it, and is looking to find someone better (or a bit on the side) before she's prepared to finish the relationship with the one she's with.

If you're STILL with me here, you just might be one of the fifth category of women and they are in the minority, hence the small amount of space used to describe her. This is the GENUINE woman that is none of the above, and THAT is the kind of woman genuine men would be interested in meeting, with no promises or expectations from either.
I may appear cynical and maybe I am, because the novel I've just written is not merly my opinion, but based on my personal experiences with the women I've met, from feedback from other men, and admissions from women during my research.

Oh yes, there is a sixth category but they don't really count. They are the members of dating sites who openly state they are not looking to meet men because they have one, but I suspect they are really employees of Tui and write the billboard slogans. Ok, that was a bit mean of me but I'll leave it in anyway.

 

1. Her photo was 11 years old. When I met her I thought FFS, she's sent her mother instead!

 

2. She didn't have a landline, computer or even a mobile phone so contact was only during working hours. Meetings too were restricted to her working hours. Yep, you guessed right....she also had a husband.

 

3. She couldn't get out much even though her daughter was grown up. Used to cancell at very short notice. I found out later this was just a month before her wedding!

 

4. She was a bank manager and we couldn't go to her place because her very sick mother was living with her along with a full time care giver. It turned out she was long term unemployed and lived in a garage with damp carpet on a dirt floor. I did wonder why she was hinting at moving in with me after only 2 dates.

 

5. I didn't actually meet this one and it's probably just as well. She was from another town and we got on really well via email and phone. She was going to come for a visit but in the meantime had set up fake profiles with which she used to contact me and try to get me engaged in sexually explicit conversations while pretending to be someone else (she told someone who, unknown to her, knew me)

 

6. I didn't meet this one either. We were messaging each other for a couple of weeks just chatting about our lives, family, work etc (as you do) and when I asked if we should exchange email addresses I got this reply...."I don't think I want to give you my email access, I know this may sound super cautious, but I don't know you and this would lead you directly to me. I have heard too many tales of caution to risk this and the site advises against doing this.

FFS, meet for coffee? Does she not know it's nearly impossible to find someone via an email addy and really simple and only costs $2.40 to get a name and address from a car number plate? Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for safety and caution BUT she was showing paranoia on one hand and virtually no caution on the other!

 

7. This one was just recently, Nov 2006. We started chatting on NZCD and quickly had regular phone conversations but didn't actually meet because she lived in Oamaru (I live in Wellington so it was just as well). If you want her real name, email me. Within a week she was trying to map out my life for me. Here are just a few examples: What side of the bed I was going to sleep on. We were going to get a dog. She was going to take over picking my daughter up from school. Where and what kind of holidays we were going to have.

She would yell at me down the phone if I objected to anything. I'm a meat and spud man and I don't like broccoli but she'd yell things like, "You'll eat it because I love veges and anyway, they're good for you!". There's much more than the few examples above, and I won't go anywhere near her expected sexual fantasies and demands!

Then there were the lies and gross exagerations. She had 10 years with a violent husband? It turns out he pushed her away once when she attacked him with an object. He starved the pet rabbit to death and then fed it to the dog? Not true. She lies to cover lies and easily trips herself up so they are easy to see through. Plus many many more.

So guys, if you want an obese woman on welfare (she has some mental condition which I can't remember the name of) desperate for someone to support her and her children, then email me for her phone number. Speaking of children, be prepared to look after them for her because I've heard them crying over the phone many times for an hour or more begging for her attention or something to eat. A quick packet of 2 minute noodles later and then she's back on the internet for the rest of the day/evening.

Am I appearing bitter by writing this? Not at all, it's just here in response to the bs she wrote about me. In fact I think it's funny and am relieved I saw her for what she is before we met in person.....A very insecure, needy and demanding woman.

Oh yeah, you've heard the saying "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?" Then watch out for computer viruses she'll send you by email attachments when you dump her, lol.

Good luck Gill in finding your perfect man....or any man for that matter!

 

I've met some absolutely delightful women too, but we just didn't click in the romance department.   

 

Hows this for a first contact message.......

From: *******
Subject: Happy New Year

hello,I SAW UR profile and i really love ur profile i wish i could meet you soon cos am in a deep shit here right now well i need you to go through this i want anyone to help me out in this shit,the reason why i fall into this shit is that i lost my parent in motor accident in last 12years ago and the only brother that i had in florida he is a drug addict and i dont know where to found him,
what has happen its a long story,i will just brief for you.if u wanna help u can help out i met one guy on internet in last two years and he told me that he love me to be his wife and i accept cuz This guy was so good and nice to me.The guy is from africa later he invited me to his country and i went there when i got there he took me to one hotel there and we slept there till next day when i woke up in the next day i told him to took me to his family house and he refused to do that
Next day i slept b4 i woke up the guy have stole my money and jeweries and run away.he left me in the hotel,This just happen to me recently even am still in the hotel in africa am going to back as soon as i pay the hotel bill,i want you to assist me to pay the bill.because the hotel have seized up my return ticket and passport due to hotel bil that i am owing them. without payment they will not release my travel document.if u can help me in this shit i will very grateful.