Surfing the Internet is much like walking the streets downtown at night. It can be a dangerous
place, but as long as one uses common sense, keeps one's valuables secure, and avoids the seedier areas of town there
is no cause for fear or alarm. The same applies to online dating, but the truth of the matter is when you make a contact through
a dating site, you have absolutely no idea who that person is, or what their real intentions are. Most obnoxious contacts
will make themselves clear pretty quickly and dating sites always provide a means of blocking contact from anyone you don't
feel comfortable about.
Ask a lot of questions and try to catch them out to get a feeling for how truthful they are.
Now while all this may sound unnecessarily "cloak and dagger," it needs to be remembered that the overwhelming majority of
people who use these services are genuine, normal people. They might not all be quite your cup-of-tea, but they mean no harm.
Dating sites will not insist that you publicise your real name or
any of your personal details, so don't. Choose a screen-name that you think might suit you, or that best describes the
sort of person you are. You don't need to worry about anyone finding out your e-mail address or your real name, unless you
are silly enough to give that information out too early.
Dating sites have their own internal messaging system that uses
encryption and security features. Your own e-mail address doesn't come into it at all as messages to your contacts go through
their servers and are readable by the intended recipient only. It's a good idea to open a free web based email account, like
yahoo or hotmail for any correspondence with potential dates.
It's a good idea to have telephone contact when you feel comfortable
with the person you are chatting with, and you call him or her first before meeting in person. It you are worried he/she might
have caller ID and obtain your number, dial 0197 first (in NZ)
and it blocks caller display, or your telephone company can disable caller display over the phone free of charge.
So you get to the stage where you feel it might be nice to meet
this new person. Without a doubt you should choose somewhere neutral, such as a cafe or bar. The first few meetings should
be conducted somewhere public. There's plenty of time to let things develop, and now is not the time to be rushing. Don't
change your plans and agree to go anywhere else once you've met.
Always tell someone else that you are meeting someone new,
where, when, and all the details "in case something dodgy happens." After a couple of safe, neutral meetings, you probably
know this person as well as any other new acquaintance, or friend of a friend, so you should feel safer relying on your own
intuition. Take it from there at your own pace. With common sense this all should go smoothly enough. Trust your gut. If there
is any doubt, play it safe. Don't persist with anyone that makes you uncomfortable, even if you're not sure why.
A trick a lot of women use is to get a friend to call you on your
cell phone say 20 minutes into the date/meeting. Your date doesn't know who is calling or what is being said, so you can make
up an excuse to make a hasty retreat if need be.
Never rely on the person you are meeting to get you home, if you
do not take your own car be sure to take enough money to arrange your own transport. Another point to remember is that at
the moment in NZ anyone who has your car registration number can pay $2.25 at a post office and get your name and address.
If you have any stories, either horror or success, send
them to me and I'll include them in the dating stories pages (Your email address will be kept 100% confidential)
